In Search Of Peace

In life I find that sorrow can give intense pain; joy can give immense pleasure.  Often we become slaves to the experiences that begin to determine our happiness or unhappiness.   If sorrow and joy are two sides of a coin, is there place for inner peace? Can this peace balance my joys and sorrows? The question that arises here is how can I find this inner peace, this serenity?

Everyone has their share of choices in life. It is up to me whether I choose to rise above the sorrow that weighs me down or to drown in it.

Living in the present is very important. Learn from past experiences and look forward to the future. Do not give up the moment that is in your hands. Ignoring the things that bring grief is not a solution. Live through your sorrow and find your joy, it is like connecting to the light at the end of the dark tunnel.

Accept your feelings; attend to the emotion, not the situation or the person that has caused the pain. Do not wait for the circumstances or the individual to change, the chances are remote.

Surrender to what has happened not to the why. At this point it is easy to feel sorry for yourself, but that will only induce more aches. Be aware; find the cause of your sadness, accept it, let go of all the things that have weighed you down. Let go of the incidents that have hurt you. Give up the questions, the accusations, the suffering and pain. Free yourself of all guilt and anger.

 Beyond every sorrow there is joy. This is your time for self realisation, be conscious of the strength that lies within you. Watch your inner self work wonders as you ascend over the unpleasant life experiences and find true joy through inner peace.

Help, It’s Homework Time!

Having trouble getting your child to do his homework? Relax that’s a universal problem, a bit of planning and foresight will work wonders. Today I helped my son divide his time so that we broke down his homework in parts; he was so excited every time he achieved part of it. So here I am writing about my experiences, in the hope that we can avoid battles held over the mere mention of the big ‘H’ word.

Each child has his own learning patterns, abilities and styles. The trick is identifying your child’s learning styles, does he get distracted easily, is he stressed out whenever its homework time, does he start bargaining for more time? Homework needs preparation; stationery, environment and the right attitude.

 The first thing to remember is set a daily routine with homework and stick to it.

Every child needs a relaxation time after school; always check if he’s hungry.

Before the set time check the stationery needed for the day’s homework. Have a place ready, with good lighting and quiet atmosphere. If possible sit with a book yourself for a reading time. Some kids may prefer a less formal setting, maybe a couch or the floor, whatever works best after a few trial and error times.

Remind your child when it’s time to start their work, if he tends to get distracted easily, remind him firmly but calmly that he will probably miss out on playtime or his TV time. Instructions need to be short and clear. Avoid getting emotional.

Encourage self study, only help when asked, he may need a bit of coaxing at first but attempting work on his own will help boost his confidence.

Show your child you care and take an interest in his work.  Praise your child for his attempts. Reward him with something that he likes.

Do not do your child’s work for him; it’s alright for him to face the results of incomplete work. Suitable consequences would include loss of some favourite activity. Point or reward system would work wonders with some kids. If problems still continue ask your teacher’s advice, your child may need more assistance.

In today’s world, it is truly a challenge to keep up with a study routine. A child realises the importance of study through the parent and he will definitely appreciate your hard work. With study a child learns time management, working under pressure and self discipline; all essential traits for a well developed personality.

Building Resilience as a Parent

Parenting is a huge challenge every day. Dealing with kids using calm and consistent parenting techniques can be tricky. How do I as a parent cope with parenting pressure today?

All of us have to handle stress at some point in life. Building resilience is an important task; it helps to manage our anxieties effectively.

Stress is caused by the pressure we place on ourselves and the demands of family, friends, household and work. The way you feel about yourself affects the way people perceive you.

How can you build resilience as a parent?

Identify your emotions and accept them. It’s ok not to be a super hero all the time.

It is essential to express yourself in words appropriately.

A discussion with your partner or family can help gain their co operation. Sharing family chores can be very effective.

Deal with negative feelings; avoid blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong.

Have an optimistic approach to the situation. Remember every problem has a solution and it has to be dealt with. Ignoring a problem will not make it go away. If necessary be prepared to make lifestyle changes.

Choose a relaxation technique when facing stressful moments. Recognise your stress signs like headaches, stiff muscles, mood swings, irritability and disturbed sleep.

Tell yourself to relax, take deep breaths, calm down, and tell yourself everything’s going to be alright. Believe in yourself.

Resilience is a skill and with practice can be developed for life.

I believe I can Soar

Did you ever wake up with a dull ache in your heart? Perhaps a memory of the past has left its mark on your heart, an incident that never should have occurred, but it did. A loved one said something that he shouldn’t have but he did.

What are you going to do about it? You have no clue. Do you wish you could wrap it up with a memory loss pill, bury it and hope it won’t be back to haunt you. I reckon it makes more sense to deal with it and move on. Believe me what may seem impossible at first is not as bad as it looks; besides the word impossible has the word possible in it.

There is always the basic problem solving technique that works for me. Identify the problem. Brainstorm and get many possible solutions. Select the most appropriate one, try it out. If it works, great if it doesn’t, no harm done review the result and try the alternative.

I like to think everything happens for a reason. It’s clearly up to me whether I choose to ignore it or try to get past it. Do I take a moment to reflect what went wrong? Why am I so quick to evaluate another, I am so busy with my pointer away from me that I forget the rest of my fingers solemnly point in my direction.

 Humility is the foundation of all virtues. Are you humble enough to accept your errors and retrace your steps? One’s own mistakes always seem smaller than they really are. When you judge, you try to free yourself of your own guilt. Isn’t the burden of hatred and tears more painful than dealing with your ego and setting it aside? It’s good to listen to the advice of well wishers who believe they know you more than yourself, but never confuse their thoughts with your own. Do not mix up their esteem with yours.

It is at this moment that you have to decide what to do. Hold on to your pain or release it and set yourself free. When you let go of the dark clouds of grudges, accusations, resentments and complaints, only then will you see the rainbow and the sunshine of love and forgiveness. We often hear “forgive and forget” but a better phrase would be “forgive and liberate yourself”. Live not only to rise but to fly to incredible heights of free will and choices. Only then can you say “I alone hold the key to my happiness.  I have faith in myself and I believe I can soar.”

A Ripple In Time

Time is endless; it flows like a stream.

 Every droplet of water holds a new dream.

 Loads of precious moments, time’s a treasure chest.

Marvel in its mystery; fill it with your best.

The key to happiness only time will reveal.

Cradling the memories of a loved one, the pain it will heal.

The fruit of labour it reaps; a wasted moment is but in vain.

Time embraces the loss, let’s cherish our gain.

Time changes seasons, brings in winter so cold.

With the promise of spring, watch its glory unfold.

Don’t let go, hold on to the love around.

With eternal gifts, will your life abound.

 Welcome the wisdom, time will bring; with a smile, not a sigh.

Strive for a better today, a brighter tomorrow is nigh

How to manage difficult behaviour in children

Am I a good parent? How can one define a good parent?

As a parent of two kids, I strive to bring them up to the best of my ability. I am sure each parent wants to do the same. I have realised the simplest way to get co-operative kids is being fair. Treat them as you would want them to treat you.

Go easy on yourself. It’s alright to make mistakes, it’s important to accept them and try another way. Every problem comes with a solution; the trick is to keep looking for it till you find it.

You think your child is too cheeky; perhaps he is just a good learner. Children are great observers, they watch and learn.

Every parent has his share of situations. How can you handle one?

First rule calm down, anger doesn’t help anyone, it just worsens the situation. Remember it’s not a battle of wits, it’s just your child’s way of saying he needs attention, give it to him. If you can’t and are busy take a moment to mention this to him. Give him a certain time when you can have a chat with him. Praise him for waiting even for a few minutes.

Humour is a good way to ease the tension of the moment .Don’t forget your child would not do anything to hurt you on purpose, his love is unconditional, just like you he needs affection and appreciation from time to time.

If misbehaviour occurs, act immediately, take your child aside, use eye contact and calmly tell him what you expect him to do. Avoid nagging or sarcasm, use simple, short sentences.

If he does not listen or tries to reason out his misbehaviour, find the cause, be fair, back up your instruction with quiet time. Move away from him, give him time to think, he should know it is quiet time and you’re done.

Review time is very important after he has calmed down. Accept reasonable suggestions, talk about consequences of his behaviour.

Remember changes can’t happen overnight. Love and patience will only help both parent and child to cope with difficult situations. Enjoy your moments with your child, you will never get them back, these moments will be anecdotes to share with your grandchildren.

All the best!

What is life? - A Reflection

It is just an ordinary day. As I sit by the window sipping my coffee I wonder what’s important to each one of us. Is it money, family, friends, work, career, power or success? - the list is never ending.

I realise maybe a little of everything. How far is one willing to go to get it all? How much is one willing to stake?

There are so many people around; with their own dreams, expectations, needs and wants.

On life’s journey do we take the time to stop and think of another or are we so wrapped up in our own little world of survival that we walk over another’s path in our quest for success.

The next question that arises is: what is my life all about?  Is it just survival, would it be possible to make this mere survival beautiful, living for another, spreading love and joy around.

It sounds pretty easy but I guess it is not or else the world would be a better place with no war and hatred only love.

What part can I play to make my journey a pleasure and not a routine? Do I stop and smile at the person next to me or am I so engrossed in my thoughts of all the things that I have to finish during the day.

Can I try and make today special with a good deed? My heart is looking forward to a brighter day one filled with hope and joy.

How can I help my child develop positive self esteem?

Today when I praised my son’s effort as he dressed himself to school, his face beamed with pride. Encouraging children is an important step to being a good parent.

Why is self esteem so essential?

Children with healthy self esteem are successful at school. They are fun to be with and so have good peer experiences. They are eager to learn and more co operative.

How can we as parents encourage self esteem in our kids?

Take the time to stop and praise your child for his effort and achievement. Focus on your child’s effort more than the end result. The goal may take time to achieve and he may give up easily.

Be a good friend to your child and he will reciprocate, talk about the incidents of the day with him and he will talk about his.

Tell your child you love him and care for him. Don’t forget to show it.

Provide healthy living, with nutritious food, appropriate playtime and hygiene.

Encourage your child’s independence and let him take daily decisions; avoid pushing him into things that you would like him to do.

Let your child express himself, help him realise he is important.

Be optimistic and let your child watch you. Help him learn from his mistakes rather than pointing them out.

Help him deal with disappointments; teach him problem solving. The basic steps would be accept the problem, come up with many possible solutions, choose the most suitable one. Try out the solution and review the result.

Set a good example, coax him to solve his own problem, let him have a say in family matters.

Help him see him himself as an individual that he truly is.

Be realistic and watch him grow into a positive, healthy adult.